Many of us are familiar with ‘Old Blood and Guts’ from his World War II escapades.  However, there is a little known fact about Patton for which many of us are unaware and which speak volumes about him as a man. 

Patton was an Olympian.  That’s right.  ‘Old Blood and Guts’ participated in the 1912 Olympics in the first ever Olympic pentathlon.  The competition consisted of swimming, fencing, equestrian cross-country steeplechase, a four kilometer foot race, and pistol shooting

Swimming
Out of the 37 contestants in the event, Patton came in sixth.

Fencing
Out of 29 contestants, Patton came in third.  He beat a Frenchman who went on to win the gold.  It was the Frenchman’s only defeat of the Pentathlon.

Equestrian steeplechase
Patton finished third.  Along with two Swedes, Patton had a perfect performance.  However, the two Swede’s times were better.  

Four Kilometer foot race
Patton finished third out of 15 runners.  He ran out of gas about 50 yards from the finish line, walked across the line and fainted.

Pistol Shooting
Patton came in 21st out of 42 shooters.  He used a .38 caliber pistol.  Patton’s scores were as follows:  10, 10, 10, 9, 8; 10, 10, 10, 0, 0; 10, 10, 9, 9, 8; and 10, 10, 10, 9, 7.  Patton’s bullet holes were all clustered together in the center of the target, creating large holes.  However, the judges decided one bullet had missed the target altogether because they couldn’t find a separate hole.  Patton claimed that the bullet went through the existing holes.

Controversy
Patton ended the competition in fifth place.  Had Patton prevailed in convincing the judges that one of his bullets in the pistol competition did not miss the target, it’s likely he would have won the gold medal.  Today, similar competitions use a moving background behind the target in order to avoid such controversy. 

But Patton didn’t complain or make excuses.  His only comment on the matter was that "...the high spirit of sportsmanship and generosity manifested throughout speaks volumes for the character of the officers of the present day. There was not a single incident of a protest or any unsportsmanlike quibbling or fighting for points which I regret to say marred some of the other civilian competitions at the Olympic Games. Each man did his best and took what fortune sent like a true soldier, and at the end we all felt more like good friends and comrades than rivals in a severe competition, yet this spirit of friendship in no manner detracted from the zeal with which all strove for success."

Real Man Magazine salutes you General Patton!

By FRANKLIN PIERCE

Science Correspondent

BRUSSELS, Belgium. (UP) -- Scientists at the University of Brussels have confirmed that certain visual stimuli have a direct impact on the nature and proportions of one’s reproductive system. Specifically, the study found that reading certain men’s magazines actually increased the size of men’s testicles and sexual organs. Researchers found the greatest increases occurred while reading the publication Real Man Magazine which touts itself as the world’s most popular online magazine for the man’s man.

Scientists believe the reasons for the increases in the size of both men’s and women’s sexual organs were due to a combination of the images and the content within the magazine. Certain images and content apparently stimulate the brain to produce increased levels of hormones. These hormones help the body to achieve enormous gains in the size of the sexual organs.

In the instances of GQ, Men’s Health, Men’s Vogue, and Best Life, where men’s sexual organs actually decreased in size, scientists found that the men showed dramatic increases in the hormone estrogen, found primarily and abundant in women. Scientists attribute this phenomenon to the predominantly feminine and homo-erotic images and content within these publications.

The results were not limited to physiology. Scientists reported unusual behaviors from persons participating in the study who experienced the most dramatic growth results.

In one case, a man consumed over a dozen beers, assaulted five aggressive tavern patrons, and had voluntary sexual relations with three women simultaneously, immediately after the incident. In another case, a man lifted a burning car off of an accident victim. Finally, researchers reported another man set new world records for weight lifting, bull riding, and ski jumping within two weeks after participating in the study.

In the case of the women, one woman initially characterized as reserved and docile, ventured into a local gentlemen’s club and performed a highly skilled burlesque routine involving gymnast-like moves around a center pole. The woman later had sexual relations with approximately five gentlemen simultaneously, leaving all of the men in a state of exhaustion. Several calls were also reported to emergency services. Apparently, certain women who participated in the study gained insatiable sexual appetites. Many of their partners called emergency operators requesting the dispatcher send out officers to restrain the women and prevent them from engaging in additional sexual acts with the men.  The officers responding to the scenes later requested the assistance of additional officers.

After the findings of the study were reported in the Brussels newspaper, the Real Man Magazine website was overloaded with visitors and was consequently offline briefly until additional servers were made available. The scientists are scheduled to publish the complete study later this year in the New England Journal of Medicine. 

A recent study by a college student showed that pro golfers shot higher scores when Tiger Woods was in the tournament than when Tiger was not in the tournament.  If this isn’t the definition of choking, I don't know what is.

This study should come as no surprise to anyone who regularly watches the PGA tour.  Nearly every weekend when Tiger is in the hunt, the golfers ahead of him give away strokes faster than a massage therapist during a happy ending.  Most of the time we watch golfers well in control, gradually give away strokes until Tiger, who looked like he was out of the tournament, finds himself in the lead.  Many times Tiger is shooting a poor or very average round.  It’s the other golfers who come back to him.

It’s almost a foregone conclusion that Tiger is never out of the tournament – not only because Tiger shoots himself back in to the tournament after a poor round or two, but more often because the other golfers shoot themselves out of the tournament.

As a real golf fan, it’s discouraging to see such a lack of competition.  We long for a challenge to Tiger.  Golf could be so much more exciting.  How good would it be for the fans and the game of golf for some other golfer to stare down Tiger, gut it out, and win? 

Golf is in serious need of some men with balls.  We need a real man to step up, handle his nerves, and play up to his potential.  We need a man who can do that consistently.  Right now, there are no real men in golf.

This wasn’t the case when Jack Nicklaus was playing.  Nicklaus faced the likes of Gary Player (9 majors), Tom Watson (8 majors), Arnold Palmer (7 majors), Lee Trevino (6 majors), Raymond Floyd (4 majors), Billy Casper (3 majors) , Julius Boros (3 majors), Hale Irwin (3 majors), and Larry Nelson (3 majors).  All of these players have won at least three majors during Nicklaus’ days.  None of them folded.  All of them manned up when the going got tough.  As a matter of fact, these players have a total of 46 majors amongst them.  They battled Nicklaus.  They looked him in the eye and stared him down.  And quite often, they won.

Sorry Bill. We really aren’t talking about men too much these days – or for the last 40 years, for that matter. The talk these days is much more about metrosexuals and sensitive guys, than about real men. The testicularly challenged media have convinced many men that they should be more sensitive, cry more, be more vulnerable, and get in touch with their feminine side. 

In certain instances, being a little more sensitive may not be a bad idea for some men. The problem is that the pendulum has swung way too far to one side. We’re no longer talking about how a real man needs to incorporate some more compassion in to his life, for example, in order to be a more well-balanced man. Instead, these more feminine members of the media and society are suggesting that men should act more like women. Those of us who resist or even challenge such ideas are denigrated, insulted, and scoffed at as insensitive, unenlightened, Neanderthals.

The problem is we’re influenced by a media made up of some of the wimpiest girlie men you’ll ever see. Very, very few of them have ever:

·         had to use their hands to make a living;

·         sweated on a job;

·         fished;

·         shot a gun;

·         ridden a motorcycle;

·         played team sports;

      And let me qualify my ‘real man’ statements once again. You don’t have to do all of these things to be a real man. Plenty of real men wear suits to work, think for a living, and don’t hunt. Many real men live in the city. However, these real men exude a manly confidence that says to the world they could - if they had to - live off the land, provide for their families, and survive. And if a disaster ever occurred these urban men wouldn’t panic, but would help others, lead others, and help everyone around them survive.

The testosterone deficient media have propagated a fallacy prevalent in today’s society: that women really want a sensitive, caring man; that they want someone that they can cry with; that they want a man to be more like a woman. Don’t fall for it. Don’t think you need to go on Que-r Eye For The Straight Guy and have a bunch of gay guys hover over you and make you up pretty in order to be attractive to women. They aren’t trying to make you become more of a man. They’re trying to get you to become more feminine, like them. 

Sure, some women like wimpy men. Some women want guys that shave all of the hair off their bodies and wear bikini underwear. Some women want men who use more beauty products than they do. Some women want men they can dominate. Some women want a man who cries a lot. But let’s not get carried away and think that these women are the majority.   Not by a long shot.

Let’s face it. Two guys walk in to a room of women. One guy is a wimpy, sensitive, touchy feely sort of guy who can really sympathize and cry with these women. He moisturizes, has a fresh manicure with clear polish, and has his clothes picked out by Todd the gay fashion consultant. His hair is highlighted and if you look closely, you can see he’s wearing ‘man’ makeup. He recently shaved his entire body before he went to the tanning booth. The second guy is a strong, masculine man oozing testosterone and confidence. Sure he may have cried by himself when his mom died or his football team lost the big game, but he doesn’t go around wearing his tears on his sleeve. He’s naturally muscular from working outdoors for a living. He has a beer in one hand and a cigar in his shirt pocket. He’s got on a well worn pair of comfortable jeans and a casual shirt. He’s got a tattoo on one bicep and a small scar over his left eye. He smiles broadly as he enters the room and has an easy going nature about him. Other men give him space as he approaches, out of respect.

Which guy do you think these women want to get in to bed, and which guy do you think, they think, would make a nice friend? Exactly. Women will often tell you they want the sensitive guy, but the reality is that their sensitive guy looks much less attractive to them when up against a real man.

Sure some women would like their insensitive slob of a husband to be a little more conscious of how they feel, what they put up with, and what they go through as a woman on and off the job every day. And sure, some guys could use a smack upside the head to help them appreciate how to deal with a woman a little better. I mean Dude – she’s your woman, not one of the guys.

But some of these poor fools have been so brainwashed by what they read in “Men’s Magazines” and what they see on TV and in the movies, that it makes me roll on the floor in laughter and simultaneously cringe with disgust. Take for example Ben Affleck. Now Ben seems like a perfectly decent guy. I like some of his movies very much, and I’d probably like him personally if I ever met him. Once upon a time, before he became ‘Hollywoodized’, if you will, he may have been a regular beer drinking, sports playing, working with his hands sort of guy. But today he’s become a poster child for the so-called metro-sexuals. In a recent article I read, I don’t recall where, the author (a man) was fawning all over what a great feminine ‘man’ Ben was. The author suggested that Ben was so sensitive that not only would he change the diapers of his child, but he would breast feed his baby if he could. ‘Breast feed his baby if he could’? Are you freaking kidding me!?

Ben, please tell us you’ve never suggested such a thing to anyone. Please tell us that you’ve never even given anyone the slightest indication that you would do such a thing. Please tell us that the person who wrote that is full of baloney, and that they’re not basing it on your actual words. Ben, if you actually said this, please do us all a favor; deposit your testicles in to the slot by the door and leave. It’s time you went to play for the other team.

There’s nothing wrong with changing diapers. A real man would always help the woman he loves in any way he can. Changing diapers is one way to do it and bond with your kid. But breast feeding? Let’s take a moment to go back over the facts of life. Men and women mate, the woman gives birth to the child, and the woman breast feeds the child until the appropriate age when the child can eat solid food. The man protects his family and provides food and shelter for them. He teaches his son how to become a man and how to provide for the son’s own family, and the cycle continues. 

Notice that in my ‘facts of life’, nowhere did I suggest that the man snuggle the child up to his hairy bosom and nurse the child. I know the author of the article was talking hypothetically, but it scares me. These people are passionate about how men should act like women. Pretty soon, someone is going to invent a device that a man wears on his chest which holds milk, so that a man can actually breast feed his children. What’s that? You say someone has already invented such a device? Doesn’t surprise me.

Think back. Imagine, there you are as a 6 month old child. You’re cranky and hungry after waking up from an afternoon nap. Your parent picks you up and nuzzles you right up to their bosom and you start feeding. You gradually open your sleepy little eyes, as you continue to nurse, and you look up to see – YOUR FREAKING DAD!

Can you imagine the trauma this would cause you for the rest of your life? You’ve grown up associating those warm and fuzzy comforting, nourishing feelings with nursing from a man’s breast. Good God man!